I'm lost and stupid without you.
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
