you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
