I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
