Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
