U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
