omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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