They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Randomize
