During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
