Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
