I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
