all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Text me some of your sweat
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
