My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
