your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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