I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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