To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Randomize
