i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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