nut hugger
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
