Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize