I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Sacagawea was the original milf.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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