I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
