who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
