I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
