Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
My life is pants optional.
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