but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
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