STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
