Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
