all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
