Sponge bath it is.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
