go do what you do best...puke behind churches
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Acid is not a monday night drug
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize