I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
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