During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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