You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Randomize