I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
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