the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Randomize
