You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
