I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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