actually, I'm a sock model
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
