The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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