HIV tests are more positive than that guy
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
