Jerry, you need to find god
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
