After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I want a musical about memes.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
