fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize