She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
