Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
