Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Randomize
