i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
