the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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