I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
