oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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