when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
