He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Randomize
