apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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