my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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