throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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