just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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