Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
