Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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