Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
