I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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