Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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