My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize