i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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