Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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