he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
