He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
