is your mom at the bar?
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Can I color on your dick again?
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
