My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I think I died a long time ago.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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