I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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