I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
