I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
